Tara’s Takes
I’ve written many times about my kids’ involvement in school activities. I am a firm believer that involvement in athletics, arts, clubs, etc. is vital to many skills our kids use later in life. The biggest job as parents is that we are raising kids who someday are going to run our businesses, communities and country.
I’m also a huge believer that anytime you are part of a school activity, you are representing the school, not just when you’re on the court or field. If you are in the bus, in the hallway, attending a game, etc., you are representing the school.
These thoughts were tested last week while attending a soccer game in Worthington. Girls soccer is not the most well-attended activity in southwest Minnesota. Many times, the parents of the visiting team are the only ones there from the other school. Add in that the games start at 5 p.m. and most are quite a drive, and the number of parents who are able to attend falls even more.
Even for the home team, unfortunately, the stands are not packed for girls’ soccer. There may be a few more parents, some grandparents, a few friends, but nothing like a home Friday night football game.
Last week, while in Worthington, there were fewer than 10 Marshall parents attending the game. We were sitting on the “home” side of the football stands as they are quite large behind the Marshall bench. This is common for soccer, as many times there are only seating on one side.
Shortly after the game started, a group of young Worthington boys came up and sat at the top of the bleachers where we were sitting. It didn’t take long for them to start trying to impress each other by making bad decisions. This included yelling at the Marshall players and about the Marshall team. It wasn’t just normal yelling. This included swearing at Marshall, at their defense and about players. It was completely uncalled for and unacceptable.
Prior to each high school athletic event, the announcer has to read the MSHSL code of conduct about sportsmanship. I’m sure coaches in Worthington speak to their athletes about the code of conduct often.
It took a lot of control on my part to not turn around and let those kids have it. There are many times that I would, but in today’s world, calling a student out for inappropriate behavior in public at a visiting school is not usually looked kindly on. In addition, I thought: I’m going to speak to someone at halftime because as the boys were degrading the girls they were talking about how much better their boys’ soccer team was, so I made the assumption that they were probably athletes and have standards they are held to.
At halftime, I found a gentleman walking with water for the refs and asked if he was the head coach. He let me know that he wasn’t, but he was the AD. Perfect!
Based on my experience in both Marshall and Tracy, if there were students acting inappropriately, the AD would want to know and would take care of the situation because they don’t want their students acting that way.
Unfortunately, when I told the AD about the situation, I was told, “Well, not that this excuses it, but if you were to sit on the other side, they might not yell.”
After my mouth dropped open, he did clarify that he would talk to the students, but normally, they don’t have visiting fans sit on that side.
I was flabbergasted. I don’t care where fans sit. I care that students are allowed to yell and swear at the other team.
I returned to my seat before the end of halftime and the students had been talked to. I know because they were yelling about a Marshall mom sitting next to me that must have said something and yelling down at her. I told her it was me and I would tell them so, but she said no, ignore them.
The second half started and the boys were quiet for a short time. Then their yelling and swearing started again. At one point, one of the Marshall dads turned around and gave the “parent look,” but it only slowed it for a bit. Finally, a Worthington person from the press box they were sitting in yelled at them to stop. Yes, they were right infront of the press box.
The game was called with 4:30 left in the second half due to lightning. As we waited out the rain delay before the start of the varsity game, my thoughts kept returning to that situation. Should I have turned around right there, pulled the “Karen” out and put those boys in their place? If it was my kid acting like that, I would want and welcome another parent to do that because it is not acceptable for my kids to act like that.
Should we have just sat on the other side and allowed the students to yell at our players with no recourse? Should the students have been allowed to stay at the game? Should the AD have stayed near the students who were causing trouble to make sure they would behave the second half and act according to their school’s expectations? Should a Worthington parent have stepped in and told the kids to knock it off?
There were so many possibilities, but none of them helped the problem. The only time the kids left was when it rained. There were no consequences for their actions. They didn’t respect the fans around them. They didn’t respect the other team. They didn’t respect their AD when he came and talked to them.
I will tell you, I was hot under the collar about it as I told Per the next day. Which brought us to an entirely different side of athletics, arts, clubs, etc.
Do our kids respect the coaches and advisors who make these programs possible? Growing up, there was always a little fear of the head football coach. No, he wasn’t going to beat you, but you didn’t want to mess up and disappoint him. You treated all coaches with a level of respect. You addressed them correctly. They were there to coach, not be your best friend.
The same applied to other clubs and organizations. You didn’t talk back to the advisor or act however you wanted. There was consequences. Being involved was a privilege, not a right.
Have we lost that? Are kids now in charge and no longer held to a higher standard if they choose to be involved?
Putting on that uniform, whether it be a Marshall soccer jersey or a TMB jersey, is a privilege. Riding that bus to BPA regions is a privilege. Performing in the fall play is a privilege.
