Love is in the air
It’s April. Valentine’s Day was two months ago; in two months, June will bring the most weddings. With that in mind, let’s talk about marriage — and, in particular, how to have a happy one.
Julie and I will celebrate our 48th wedding anniversary this summer. It looks like both of us are in it for the long haul. I remember as far back as 30-35 years ago, when people would be amazed that we had been married 15 or so years. It was as if people did not expect a marriage to last two decades, let alone five. I still scratch my head at those who think their marriage will not last. If that is true, why get married or remain in the relationship in the first place?
Years ago, a 16-year-old girl said to me, “I can’t wait till I find my second husband.” I asked her to explain, and she told me that all those in her life, her parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and friends of the family have all been divorced and were on second marriages, and all is well. The young lady who told me this is now in her forties and on her third husband.
A good example of when you plan to fail.
I’ll now go over the main aspects of how Julie and I had a successful marriage; they are in no particular order.
Have the same general goals and an idea of how you will handle daily situations before you walk down the aisle.
When it comes to goals, if one of you wants to be a Kansas farmer and the other wants to be a corporate lawyer in New York City, something has to give, and one of you could end up resenting the other and/or living a lifetime of unhappiness. Julie’s and my goals were different but workable together. We both wanted to serve the Lord. God had already called me to preach and Julie wanted to work with and raise children.
Through the years, I have filled pulpits, Pastored, preached at a couple prophecy conferences, while Julie taught in, and even was the principle at a Christian school, substituted in the local schools, had a day care in our home for twenty years, was one of the founders and later the director of the local pregancy center, and raised our four wonderful children.
Goals are far more than occupations, jobs, and careers. Couples can have goals that reach into everyday life. For example, a couple may decide to never get into debt, or go on a vacation every year, or to make it a priority to attend church, play sports, or pursue a hobby. There are millions of goals couples can set, but the main thing is to be on the same page. The two have become one, and one cannot go in two directions at once (Genesis 2:24; Amos 3:3).
Agreeing on things before you are married will prevent arguments during marriage. How did Julie and I manage to agree on so many things before we tied the knot?
We met when I was 15, and she was 16. Three years, four months later, we were married.
We met at church. The youth group had 20-25 kids. We knew who each other was, but outside of church we had no contact. We went to different schools and lived nearly twenty miles apart. Then several churches got together and sponsored a trip for high school students to visit a college.
For no other reason than that we did not know anyone else on the bus, we sat together. Julie was shy and quiet. I talked to everyone; therefore, this eight-hour bus trip was going to have some sort of conversation.
At first, it was a casual conversation that you would have with an acquaintance or even a complete stranger. But somewhere along the way, we started asking each other questions. The conversation went into deeper subjects. Even after several hours of conversation, when we reached the college, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her in the two days we’d be there. I wanted to hear her opinions and share mine with her. We monitored several classes together, ate our meals together, and then took the eight-hour bus ride home. This time we (or at least as far as I was concerned) sat together on the bus, not because we didn’t know anyone else, but because we wanted to.
If you are thinking this is where a beautiful romance started, well, sort of, but not really. I will say the bus ride was where it all began, but in the moment, we did not return home thinking of each other as boyfriend/girlfriend.
We had moved from acquaintances to friends. Our first kiss was still two years away.
When we returned home, I wanted to continue the conversations we had on the bus. We only saw each other at church, but from the bus conversation, I learned that we both read our Bibles every day. On my first day back from the college trip, when I went to read my Bible, I had a pen and paper ready.
At the top of the page, I wrote “Dear Julie,” and then jotted down my thoughts on the verses I read.
The next time the church doors were open, I handed her my letter. No chitchat, just thoughts about the verses of the Bible I read. I continued doing this every day. At the next church service, we both handed a letter to each other. From that point on, we always handed a letter to each other when we went to church. We began to comment on each other’s thoughts. We learned from each other. We would write about where we disagreed. We talked about how we would incorporate what the Bible taught into our lives.
Here is the thing about the Bible: it talks about every subject under the sun. Not just eternity, but subjects like how to raise children, finances, dealing with in-laws, how husbands and wives should treat one another, the relationship with the boss at work, how to love someone; the list is endless.
Without knowing it, these letters were forming the goals we wanted for our lives and how to pursue them. Over time, we realized God wanted us together.
The point of the whole bus/letters story is that before you get into marriage, know as much as humanly possible about your goals and how to achieve them, what you believe and why you believe it, and if the person you are considering as your future spouse is the person God wants you to marry. This will lead to a happy marriage.
I’m running over on words here, but I need to say something about love. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is selfishness. The definition of love is given in the first part of John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave…” When you love someone or something, you will give yourself to it.
My goal list starts out like this: 1A - Do the will of God. 1B - Julie’s happiness. When I start thinking of myself above God and her, I am being selfish; I am not acting out of love. When both husband and wife look at love this way, and will put the brakes on the minute that selfishness raises its head, then your marriage will be happy even in the most difficult of times.
Lastly, I understand that for some people God is not a priority, and that is a discussion I’ll leave for another day, but when it comes to marriage, when selfishness is present instead of love, whether it’s one party or both, neither can have a happy marriage.
Preacher Johnson is Pastor of Countryside Baptist Church in Parke County Indiana. Website: www.preachers-point.com; Email: [email protected]; Mail: 25 W 1200 N; Kingman IN 47952. Facebook: https:// www. facebook. com/ Timothy- Preacher-Johnson-101171088326638. All Scripture KJV.
