How ya doin’?
What a pure and innocent question.
So why does it put me on edge?
Here in Minnesota, we like to be polite to others, and nine times out of 10, when someone encounters another, they recite that trite phrase.
What’s the big deal? I never know what to say, that’s what — or how much to say.
Don’t get me wrong, I do the same thing to others; the phrase rolls off our Minnesota Nice tongues. However, I think I overthink things.
The common responses for me are, “Good,” “Not too bad,” “Busy as usual,” or my go-to, “Livin’ the dream!” There are many variants, too: “Well, I’m on the right side of the ground,” is a pretty common thing to hear from someone up there in age. Or, a less-mundane response could be, “Gettin’ by.” A friend from Currie always ads “and gettin’ high” just for laughs (you know who you are).
My issue is, what is the receiver of this question required to say? It’s a conundrum for me, because I have no idea how much information the other person wants.
I mean, I could go on and on about how busy I am with our papers. To me, it’s all interesting; to another person, it could be a bore. But they asked, so I respond with a little recent history.
I was posed that question over and over again while covering Fun Fest in Balaton this past weekend. Most of the time, it was a quick answer. But there were other times when I cautiously assumed the other person really wanted some detailed feedback. But it’s wrong to assume that, because the last thing I want to do is put someone to sleep taking about the newspaper industry.
But they asked, so I tell. And when I do, it’s up to the questioner to be patient and polite while they pretend they really care about my well-being. Because we’re in Minnesota, most people politely pretend that they want some depth to my life. And some even ask follow-up questions, which is really cool, even though I’m not a people person and don’t do small talk really well.
Ultimately, the informal and friendly “How ya doin’’ phrase is a perfect way to visit, and it also lets us catch up with people we might not have seen in months or years. As to the former, the “How ya doin’’ query makes the most sense, yet, we’ve overused it so much in our society that it has become the cliché of all clichés.
The big problem with “How ya doin’” is when one of the people in the conversation is doing, well, not well.
In posing that question, one runs the risk of falling into kind of a sad rabbit hole, as if you’re forcing the receiver of the question to relive an experience they would rather not relive. Maybe the person you ask was just diagnosed with cancer. Way to go, you just turned a nice, little reunion into something dreary enough to bring both people down.
Still, it’s nice to ask, even in the worst situations, you can at least offer your empathy or, worse yet, your condolences.
So be wise in your choice of words, folks. That kind of open-ended question could just backfire.
Have a good one!
