There Ya Go
If you’ve seen me out-and-about the last couple of weeks, you surely noticed the inch-long cut on my nose.
I told everyone who asked me what happened that I would give them 100 bucks if they could guess what happened.
I still have the 100 bucks. I have a cat with no name. No, the cat didn’t scratch me.
I have two dogs. Noper, the dogs didn’t do it.
I have a girlfriend who has been known to get fed up with me once in awhile and probably has been tempted to physically harm me. But no, Tara didn’t do it, either.
The reason I was so confident I wouldn’t have to part ways with that C-note was because I knew no one would come close to guessing how this gash appeared on my precious proboscis.
I cut my nose on March 26, and I did it as I was taking off a shirt.
You read that right, as sad as it is to admit, on a shirt. Or, more specifically, I cut myself on the zipper pull of a quarter-zip.
It makes me think, they should probably put warning labels on these things.
All I was attempting to do was take the shirt off over my head. I felt the zipper handle hit my nose, but didn’t think anything of it because there was no pain involved. Then, a bit later when I went to the bathroom to shave, there it was, blood dripping from my nose.
I knew immediately why I was bleeding and was honestly embarrassed by myself.
What, I can’t even undress myself now?
The really bad part is, the blood wouldn’t stop. I did learn through this experience that facial cuts are notorious for making us believe we’re about to pass out. No, I’m not a hemophiliac, prone to long bleedings. My blood usually does clot. But I guess if you’re going to get cut, there are much better places on one’s body to suffer a wound.
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t use Band-Aid unless I absolutely have to. One, I’m way too tough for a Band-Aid. Two, and don’t ask why, but I think Band-Aids are disgusting. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stand them, even if they’re fresh out of the box. It’s just a thing. However, I quickly realized that my nose was not going to stop bleeding. So after I held some toilet paper on the cut for a bit only to realize that it wasn’t doing the trick, I gave in, found a Band-Aid and very reluctantly applied it horizontally to the bridge of my nose.
Tara was the first to see me that day and therefore was the first to ask me, “What did you do?” This was before I came up with the $100 contest, so I just said, “I’ll give you 10 guesses.” She didn’t guess it. Then I told her I cut it while undressing. Surprise, she laughed. She laughed a lot. So much so that I think I made her day. I’ve told really good jokes that didn’t inspire that many giggles from her. She still laughs when she hears me tell the story to someone.
Since that day — and long after I removed that hideous Band-Aid — many people have noticed it. It’s the nose, the focal point of our faces. I’m in the public a lot, and most everyone I’ve encountered since has asked the same question, or some variation of it: “What happened to your nose?”
Upon hearing my story, one person out of about 20 actually said, “Yah, you’ve gotta be careful with those zippers.” I’m still not sure if she was playing the sarcasm card, or if she was really serious, but I’m thinking the former.
The things I’ll do for an ice-breaking conversation piece.
So, that’s my story. You’ve all been briefed, so you don’t have to ask. And the $100 is off the table.
